For Lily

So these days, I'm all about Pinterest. It's such a great way to pass the time and spark my imagination! Recently, a friend pinned an article called "10 Things I Want My Daughter to Know Before She Turns 10."As I now also have a daughter (picture below; she's just too cute not to show off!); I clicked on the link to read Russell's advice. And while I liked most of it, there was one part that broke my heart. It reads:

"9. There is no single person who can be your everything. Be very careful about bestowing this power on any one person.  I suspect you are trying to fill a gnawing loneliness, and if you are you inherited it from me.  That feeling, Woolf's 'emptiness about the heart of life,' is just part of the deal.  Trying to fill that ache with other people (or with anything else, like food, alcohol, numbing behaviors of a zillion sorts you don't even know of yet) is a lost cause, and nobody will be up to the task.  You will feel let down, and, worse, that loneliness will be there no matter what.  I'm learning to embrace it, to accept it as part of who I am.  I hope to help you do the same."

It's the opposite of what I want Lily to embrace. So, my sweet Lily:

(Lily!)

Yes, there is no single person who can be your everything. And yes, there will be times that loneliness gnaws away at your heart. And yes, absolutely, no person or thing will ever be able to fill that ache, you will feel let down, and at some point you will probably feel that the loneliness will be there no matter what. But my darling girl, please reject with all your heart the thought that you should accept it as a part of who you are.

I know what it is to feel lonely. It starts with a bit of comparison; and then feeling left out, left alone; and then the sadness quietly creeps in. It's seductive, it's tender, it's a sweet heartache full of self-righteousness and self-loathing. It is easy to slip into and beyond difficult to escape. It can be addictive. It is destructive.

Do not embrace it. Flee from it!

I know it can be done, because just as I know the temptation of loneliness and sadness, I also know the freedom and joy of the One who says, "Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine…. You are precious and honored in my sight, and I love you… Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you…. (I am) close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit… (I) will take great delight in you, (I) will quiet you with my love, (I) will rejoice over you with singing."*

Knowing this frees me to not live in the feeling of loneliness, the feeling of sadness. Rather, this knowledge grants me the ability to content my soul with this love, to dwell in the joy it brings, and to rest in the peace offered to me.

Choosing this is rarely easy. But beloved, it is infinitely worth it.

"I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope,
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love,
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing."
~T.S. Eliot

*Isaiah 43:2, 4; Hebrews 13:5; Psalm 34:18; Zephaniah 3:17

Beauty for Ashes

A camper's picture of Eagle Lake from last summer.

Last Thursday I began a blog update titled "Why I Love This Place". It began, "This is my 20th summer at Eagle Lake, and I love it more now than ever before. I know what Paul meant when he wrote, 'I thank Christ Jesus my Lord, who has given me strength, that He considered me faithful, appointing me to His service.' I feel incredibly blessed and thankful to be here another summer...."

As most of you know, two days later, while we had the Crew in Buena Vista to go white water rafting, we received a call that told us we would be unable to return to camp that afternoon due to a fire in Waldo Canyon. I wasn't concerned; I felt confident the Lord would protect camp and we would be back in a few days. It seemed a great adventure. That peace continued to guard my heart and mind the next three days. My dad had managed to grab some of our clothes from camp for us, and my mom generously rebuilt my toiletry kit and provided a few more maternity clothes. We were doing well. Even when we got the call Tuesday night that our home here in the Springs was also under a mandatory evacuation order and we realized that we again wouldn't be able to get back right away, I found it more ironically amusing than reason to despair. I mean, what a story someday!

When I woke up Wednesday, I tried to go to my house. After all, it's only about 500 yards from the evacuation line; I could see it and see it was safe. But the police wouldn't let me in. And the reality that I again had nothing but the clothes on my started to sink in and steal some of my peace. Later that afternoon, as I contemplated all the different homes I still needed to go to before the night was over, I started to cry. And then weep. I had to pull over, and there on the side of the road, my grief overwhelmed me. My spirit broke. All I wanted was to go home, and it was the one thing I couldn't do. My introverted self was tired of being constantly surrounded by people, and my prideful self was tired of having to rely on others to meet my needs. Again and again I cried out, "I just want to go home."

Later, as I was trying to sift my way through my emotions, I wondered why that was the cry of my heart. I realized that, as much as I like and am thankful for my house here in the Springs, that is not what I think of when I think of home. I think of Eagle Lake. I think of sitting on my porch in the morning sun while I read my Bible. I think of walking around the lake to pray or talk with one of my girls. I think of hiking up to the Lower I or the Cross or Raven's Crag. I think of walking down in the cool morning when the birds who sing at night are still chirping to meet with one of my girls in the Dining Hall. I think of watching the sun rise or set over the lake. I think of that one time when I sat on the porch of the D and watched a thunderstorm for three hours and saw the triple and then double rainbow it produced. I think of the forts we built there as children, my name duck-taped to the stone wall in Stone Manor, the time we locked my brother out and he broke a window pane with his elbow, doing Bible Study on the island when I was on Crew, every first chapel at the point, my first kiss with Hanley.... and in every moment, the beauty of the place that overwhelms my heart and speaks to the beauty of the Lord. Here is where I best feel Him. This place is my home more than any other.

Last night, despair choked me.

Yet this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope - weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning. The Lord graciously brought me to Isaiah 61:1-4 this morning:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
² to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
³     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.

⁴ They will rebuild the ancient ruins
    and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
    that have been devastated for generations.

I can accept the oil of gladness instead of mourning, not because circumstances have changed, but because I belong to my beloved Christ, and because the Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me and working in me to know and rely on the love that Jesus has for me. I choose a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair, because God is good. And though the trees may burn at camp, I love that we can be His oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor. We will rebuild, for the glory of Your Name, O God.

A Leap in the Wind, Brother Lawrence's Lively Faith, and a Ford Taurus

An ELC Misty Morning

"We should enliven our faith. It is lamentable that we all have so little faith. Instead of taking faith for their rule of conduct, people amuse themselves with trivial devotions, which change daily. The way of faith is the essence of Christ's church, and it is sufficient to bring us to a high degree of perfection. Therefore, with regard to things both temporal and spiritual, we should give ourselves up wholly to God." -brother Lawrence

As most of you already know, I won't be returning to my teaching position in the fall. I loved it, but I knew the Lord was calling me to be a stay-at-home wife and mom this coming year. Although I am very excited for this coming season, it at times has been overwhelming to think about living on only one salary, especially a salary for which we need to raise support. I sometimes feel like Psyche's sisters: I just have to jump off the edge of the cliff and trust the west wind Zephyrus to carry me gently and safely to the castle in the valley below.

Cupid and Psyche

The most prominent fixation of my anxiety has been on the fact that we will only have one reliable car in the fall. For awhile, I've been praying that the Lord would just give us a car, because we can't afford to buy one right now. However, even though I knew He could do it (I've heard stories of Him doing this for others), I didn't really believe He would do it. After all, I know the little areas where I could have and should have been a better steward with money. (It's just so easy to eat out instead of cook sometimes!) Why would He choose to bless me in this way? I know I don't deserve it.

And then last week I received a Facebook message from my mom. My Grandpa was looking to downsize and get rid of one of their cars, and he decided to give it to Hanley and me! It is in excellent condition, has brand new tires, and, because it is older, it will be less expensive to insure. We now have two reliable cars that will last us for a long time!

Our new car!

It was just after this that I read above excerpt by brother Lawrence, and I realized there are ways I can enliven my faith and make it my rule of conduct instead of an occasional trivial devotion. Most importantly, I can not only believe but expect that since the Lord called me to this, He will be faithful to provide. I just have to trust Him by jumping off that cliff of self-reliance into His arms, and wait for Him to carry me safely to the place of His provision.

p.s. In case you are unfamiliar with the myth of Cupid and Psyche, click here to learn more. Sorry, the English teacher in me couldn't resist the allusion. :-)

FIRST WEEK!

"Mom Shorts Monday"

Well, we've made it through our first week! It's been an incredible start to our summer. Thanks to all of you who prayed for our guy counselor shortage; we ended up hiring the last guy we needed the first day of orientation! Our staff has done an amazing job of coming together in unity, and of making came fun! We already have several theme days: Mom Shorts Monday, Wolf Shirt Wednesday, and Sweater Vest Thursday, among others. :-)

The staff enjoying the Punch Bowls

Our campers are doing great, too. As always, they're still a bit in shock and wondering what they've gotten themselves into, but they're hard workers and have done a great job of building community. Their first Biblestudy is tonight, and it was so fun to see so many of them take it seriously and really prepare. I had the privilege to sit down with two new girls (my sister-in-law Kristin and her friend Hannah) and work with them, because they wanted to do well but didn't know how to start. I was so proud of them for asking!

First Week! (Literally)

Thank you so much for your prayers; please continue to send them! We are thankful for your love and support!

Baby Girl at our 3D Ultrasound - she's still doing great! 

Abby (left) and our wonderful P.C. Marissa. One of the best parts of Crew is seeing campers come back as staff. Abby was in my Biblestudy four years ago as a Crew camper. She's now back as our Outdoor Crew Counselor (read: hardcore), back in my Biblestudy, and I get to meet with her once a week!

Coming Soon: Summer 2012!

ELC HERE WE COME! (Last night, it snowed! :-)

Our summer is right around the corner! Hanley moved up to camp May 11, and Katlyn will be back and forth until May 25, her LAST DAY of teaching for the foreseeable future. After that, we'll be at camp permanently.

As we've been preparing for Crew 2012, we've been reminded of how essential a strong staff is for a successful summer. Last year, due to so many returning Crew counselors, we'd already had our entire staff hired by the beginning of April. This year, however, has been a trusting game; we're still praying for two guy counselors.

Our campers' Biblestudy: Colossians!

And yet, even in the midst of this anticipation, we've seen how wonderfully the Lord has already provided in the amazing people He's called to the Crew program! Two counselors from last year, Ben and Marissa, will return to serve as our P.C.s (Program Coaches). And although all new to Crew as counselors, we have FIVE former Crew campers, as well as several former Rez counselors. We've been so thankful and impressed by the way ALL of our new staff have a desire to serve the Lord and really focus on discipleship, the heartbeat of our program. But we don't need to tell you how great they are; just read below to hear their hearts and why they've chosen to come this summer! (Beneath that are our summer prayer requests, so keep reading! :-) )

Abby

" I LOVE CREW. i did crew as a high schooler and the program absolutely changed my life. i've been blessed to be on staff at eagle lake the past two summers and get to work with the crew campers in the kitchen, but i'm even more pumped to have an active role in this ministry this summer. i just think high schoolers are the coolest kids out there: they're old enough to make a difference in this world but they're also coming to this place of understanding that what they do matters. they're (mostly) teachable. it is SO cool to watch them grow and see how Christ moves in their lives during their time at eagle lake and i really cannot express how excited i am to see how the Sprit uses our staff in that process." ~Abby C.
 

Rachael

"I came to Eagle Lake last summer as a Rez counselor. My sister was in crew the year before and I was inspired by her testimony of God’s goodness at camp. One of the reasons I chose to come back for Crew was because I felt that a week with the kids [in the Rez program] was wayyy too short and wanted to see God work through the kids in a more intensive discipleship format. I am so stoked to dig deeper into the Word with our Bible studies and to see these high schoolers experience God's truth and perfect joy." ~Rachael

 

Mere (left) with former counselor Beth

" Last summer, my cousin told me he was going to be a crew counselor and that I should be a camper! So right after my high school graduation I flew to Colorado to be in the crew program. I LOVED the discipleship, friendships, service... I could go on and on. I actually loved it so much that I stayed the whole summer! It was an experience full of growth, challenges, the word and best friendships that have forever molded me and grown me closer to the Lord. I did not expect to be back this summer as a crew counselor, but my heart and passion for the program could not keep me away! I can not wait to pour myself into the kids and love on them like crazy. Discipleship is so powerful!" ~Meredith 

 

Abby F.  (right) with Abby C.

"As a sassy 16 year old, somehow I ended up in the mountains of Colorado. I didn't like Jesus very much at that point, which made me being on crew quite an adventure. It was those five weeks where I feel as though I saw the Lord clearly for the first time, for who he was and not who I thought he was. I went through a heart transformation in those five weeks. I was baptized at the end of the summer. Needless to say, this program has a special place in my heart. [This summer] I’m super excited about discipleship. It’s probably the greatest passion I have. I love learning from older and younger generations and living life together. I won’t go on cause I could talk all day about it, but seriously, it’s going to be awesome." ~Abby F.

Allison

"I was on crew in high school and it literally turned my world upside down. Before the summer I was a quiet, self-conscious awkward teen. By the time it was time to go home I felt confident and bold in my faith and myself. The bible study and the crew staff are significant reasons for this transformation. Having positive role models that were similar to me showed me how I can truly be in the world, but not of the world. Ever since I did crew I've been itching to get back and God finally has led me back for this summer!" ~Allison

 

See? Aren't they wonderful? :-)

 

 

 

PRAYER REQUESTS:

 

1. For this wonderful staff: That the Lord would give them unity and love for one another; that He would continually renew and encourage them; that they would love their campers well; and that they would grow closer to Him. Additionally, that the Lord would provide two more Godly men passionate about discipleship and high schoolers!

 

2. For our campers: That this program would stretch and grow them, that they might leave changed as the counselors above.

Hanley as the eagle at the ELC Carnival

 

3. For Hanley: That he would be filled with the Spirit to lead this program in wisdom, justice and compassion.

 

4. For Ben and Marissa: That they would transition well into leadership; that they would develop a strong bond with the counselors; and that together, Hanley, Ben, and Marissa would lead our staff and program well.

 

5. For Katlyn and Baby Girl: That she would finish well in teaching; that the move up would go smoothly, and that baby would continue to grow strong and healthy at 9,500 feet so they can stay at camp the entire summer. 

 

6. For Katlyn and Hanley: ELC can be hard on a marriage! Please pray we get quality time to continue to grow together and encourage one another, especially as baby is on her way right after camp! 

 

Thank you for your prayers! We are thankful for you!

Welcome, Little One!!!

So, boy? girl? BOTH?

Hahah, as much as I'm sure we'd enjoy twins, we're thankful to announce only one little one...

A GIRL!

I just had to make something pink to celebrate! :-)

Yesterday was one of the most amazing experiences of our lives. Seeing out little girl's face, fingers, spine, legs, brain, and heart was overwhelmingly beautiful. I still get teary thinking about it!

In case you struggle to see the image in the picture (like I did) - this is the baby's profile. You can see the top of her head on the left, and then moving right, you can see her eye, nose, mouth, and chin. (She's looking up.) She's resting her hand on her forehead, so you can see her arm on the right, and her little finger pointing toward the top of her head. :-)

Thank you so much to all of you who have prayed for our daughter's safety these past few months. After such heartbreak in our last two pregnancies, we've experienced such refreshing joy and delight in this little girl. We're so grateful for your prayers on her behalf! Please continue to pray over her, especially as we begin to move up to Eagle Lake. Living at 9,000 feet can cause complications, so pray that she continues to grow safely so we can stay at camp with Hanley for the whole summer!

Check back soon for exciting updates as we gear up for the summer, choose a baby name (yes, we'll share as soon as we've decided!), and move into our new home!

If you'd like to receive our quarterly ministry updates, please e-mail us your address (to katlyn.kincaid@gmail.com).

Our first little outfit. :-) Thanks, Beth!!!

Finally, join us as we proclaim Psalm 34:

We will EXTOL the Lord at ALL TIMES;
His PRAISE will ALWAYS be on our lips.

Our souls will BOAST IN THE LORD;
Let the afflicted HEAR AND REJOICE.

GLORIFY the LORD with us;
Let us EXALT HIS NAME together.

We sought the Lord and HE ANSWERED us;
He DELIVERED us from all our fears.

Those who look to Him are RADIANT;
Their faces are never covered with shame. 

Eagle Lake Camp 2011

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