Beauty for Ashes

A camper's picture of Eagle Lake from last summer.

Last Thursday I began a blog update titled "Why I Love This Place". It began, "This is my 20th summer at Eagle Lake, and I love it more now than ever before. I know what Paul meant when he wrote, 'I thank Christ Jesus my Lord, who has given me strength, that He considered me faithful, appointing me to His service.' I feel incredibly blessed and thankful to be here another summer...."

As most of you know, two days later, while we had the Crew in Buena Vista to go white water rafting, we received a call that told us we would be unable to return to camp that afternoon due to a fire in Waldo Canyon. I wasn't concerned; I felt confident the Lord would protect camp and we would be back in a few days. It seemed a great adventure. That peace continued to guard my heart and mind the next three days. My dad had managed to grab some of our clothes from camp for us, and my mom generously rebuilt my toiletry kit and provided a few more maternity clothes. We were doing well. Even when we got the call Tuesday night that our home here in the Springs was also under a mandatory evacuation order and we realized that we again wouldn't be able to get back right away, I found it more ironically amusing than reason to despair. I mean, what a story someday!

When I woke up Wednesday, I tried to go to my house. After all, it's only about 500 yards from the evacuation line; I could see it and see it was safe. But the police wouldn't let me in. And the reality that I again had nothing but the clothes on my started to sink in and steal some of my peace. Later that afternoon, as I contemplated all the different homes I still needed to go to before the night was over, I started to cry. And then weep. I had to pull over, and there on the side of the road, my grief overwhelmed me. My spirit broke. All I wanted was to go home, and it was the one thing I couldn't do. My introverted self was tired of being constantly surrounded by people, and my prideful self was tired of having to rely on others to meet my needs. Again and again I cried out, "I just want to go home."

Later, as I was trying to sift my way through my emotions, I wondered why that was the cry of my heart. I realized that, as much as I like and am thankful for my house here in the Springs, that is not what I think of when I think of home. I think of Eagle Lake. I think of sitting on my porch in the morning sun while I read my Bible. I think of walking around the lake to pray or talk with one of my girls. I think of hiking up to the Lower I or the Cross or Raven's Crag. I think of walking down in the cool morning when the birds who sing at night are still chirping to meet with one of my girls in the Dining Hall. I think of watching the sun rise or set over the lake. I think of that one time when I sat on the porch of the D and watched a thunderstorm for three hours and saw the triple and then double rainbow it produced. I think of the forts we built there as children, my name duck-taped to the stone wall in Stone Manor, the time we locked my brother out and he broke a window pane with his elbow, doing Bible Study on the island when I was on Crew, every first chapel at the point, my first kiss with Hanley.... and in every moment, the beauty of the place that overwhelms my heart and speaks to the beauty of the Lord. Here is where I best feel Him. This place is my home more than any other.

Last night, despair choked me.

Yet this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope - weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning. The Lord graciously brought me to Isaiah 61:1-4 this morning:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
    because the Lord has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
    to proclaim freedom for the captives
    and release from darkness for the prisoners,
² to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
    and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
³     and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord
    for the display of his splendor.

⁴ They will rebuild the ancient ruins
    and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
    that have been devastated for generations.

I can accept the oil of gladness instead of mourning, not because circumstances have changed, but because I belong to my beloved Christ, and because the Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me and working in me to know and rely on the love that Jesus has for me. I choose a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair, because God is good. And though the trees may burn at camp, I love that we can be His oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor. We will rebuild, for the glory of Your Name, O God.

A Leap in the Wind, Brother Lawrence's Lively Faith, and a Ford Taurus

An ELC Misty Morning

"We should enliven our faith. It is lamentable that we all have so little faith. Instead of taking faith for their rule of conduct, people amuse themselves with trivial devotions, which change daily. The way of faith is the essence of Christ's church, and it is sufficient to bring us to a high degree of perfection. Therefore, with regard to things both temporal and spiritual, we should give ourselves up wholly to God." -brother Lawrence

As most of you already know, I won't be returning to my teaching position in the fall. I loved it, but I knew the Lord was calling me to be a stay-at-home wife and mom this coming year. Although I am very excited for this coming season, it at times has been overwhelming to think about living on only one salary, especially a salary for which we need to raise support. I sometimes feel like Psyche's sisters: I just have to jump off the edge of the cliff and trust the west wind Zephyrus to carry me gently and safely to the castle in the valley below.

Cupid and Psyche

The most prominent fixation of my anxiety has been on the fact that we will only have one reliable car in the fall. For awhile, I've been praying that the Lord would just give us a car, because we can't afford to buy one right now. However, even though I knew He could do it (I've heard stories of Him doing this for others), I didn't really believe He would do it. After all, I know the little areas where I could have and should have been a better steward with money. (It's just so easy to eat out instead of cook sometimes!) Why would He choose to bless me in this way? I know I don't deserve it.

And then last week I received a Facebook message from my mom. My Grandpa was looking to downsize and get rid of one of their cars, and he decided to give it to Hanley and me! It is in excellent condition, has brand new tires, and, because it is older, it will be less expensive to insure. We now have two reliable cars that will last us for a long time!

Our new car!

It was just after this that I read above excerpt by brother Lawrence, and I realized there are ways I can enliven my faith and make it my rule of conduct instead of an occasional trivial devotion. Most importantly, I can not only believe but expect that since the Lord called me to this, He will be faithful to provide. I just have to trust Him by jumping off that cliff of self-reliance into His arms, and wait for Him to carry me safely to the place of His provision.

p.s. In case you are unfamiliar with the myth of Cupid and Psyche, click here to learn more. Sorry, the English teacher in me couldn't resist the allusion. :-)

FIRST WEEK!

"Mom Shorts Monday"

Well, we've made it through our first week! It's been an incredible start to our summer. Thanks to all of you who prayed for our guy counselor shortage; we ended up hiring the last guy we needed the first day of orientation! Our staff has done an amazing job of coming together in unity, and of making came fun! We already have several theme days: Mom Shorts Monday, Wolf Shirt Wednesday, and Sweater Vest Thursday, among others. :-)

The staff enjoying the Punch Bowls

Our campers are doing great, too. As always, they're still a bit in shock and wondering what they've gotten themselves into, but they're hard workers and have done a great job of building community. Their first Biblestudy is tonight, and it was so fun to see so many of them take it seriously and really prepare. I had the privilege to sit down with two new girls (my sister-in-law Kristin and her friend Hannah) and work with them, because they wanted to do well but didn't know how to start. I was so proud of them for asking!

First Week! (Literally)

Thank you so much for your prayers; please continue to send them! We are thankful for your love and support!

Baby Girl at our 3D Ultrasound - she's still doing great! 

Abby (left) and our wonderful P.C. Marissa. One of the best parts of Crew is seeing campers come back as staff. Abby was in my Biblestudy four years ago as a Crew camper. She's now back as our Outdoor Crew Counselor (read: hardcore), back in my Biblestudy, and I get to meet with her once a week!